


What I Meant to You

by Drama_Nerd



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Non-Famous, Angst, F/M, I have so many line breaks, I'm a bad writer, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Kris is mentioned in 1 sentence, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-19
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-09-09 18:44:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8907733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Drama_Nerd/pseuds/Drama_Nerd
Summary: He didn't know what he had until it was gone. (Cross-posted on Wattpad and AFF)





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first EXO fic and I'm nervous to even post it. I apologize if it's OOC... I need to refine my skills. Anyway, hope you like it...?

**"People say you don't know what you've got till it's gone. Truth is, you knew what you had, you just never thought you'd lose it."**

**-Unknown**

It was an old saying how people never truly appreciate something until it's gone. In reality, we knew what we had, we just chose to ignore the fact that it would possibly be taken from us in the future. Minseok felt as though that never applied to him. He had amazing friends, close family, an adorable girlfriend (potentially fiancée), and had enough money to sustain him a good 80 years or so. He never felt as though he underappreciated anything. He prayed to God everyday on what he was thankful for and repeatedly expressed that to those he cared for.

Suddenly, that all changed. In a course of 1 month, Minseok managed to lose everything he cared for, truly understanding that well-known statement.

~

Minseok didn't know when everything started to fall. When everything in his life began to crumble. All he could remember was the pain he felt afterwards. He remembered the streams of tears. He remembered the long, cruel nights staring at the ceiling, hoping for something to happen. He remembered the countless hours trapped in his own mind, trying to clear up the emotional warzone left behind.

It may have started when his girlfriend of 7 years (soon to be fiancée; he bought the ring and planned an extravagant proposal) left him for a "real man". Saying something along the lines of how she "couldn't deal with the everyday struggle of being with someone like you". That left him scarred for weeks. Minseok became more self-conscious and less like himself. She left his best friend to pick up the broken pieces.

It may have started when his parents died. His beloved parents passed away due to a drunk driver colliding with their vehicle. They were in the car with Minseok. He vividly remembered driving them to the airport for a small business trip. Then, there was a blur. It was like watching a movie with some of the scenes being deliberately left out. Minseok seemed to recall snippets of it. He remembered the smell of burning flesh and the crimson blood flowing down the windows. He remembered the shrill scream of his mother. He remembered the searing pain in his head. Minseok chose to not think about it much.

After that, he had to undergo extensive therapy (Not like I need it, he thought.) with the help of his best friend. In addition, Minseok had desperately tried to hold on to what he had left. Such as his best friend, his remaining family, heck, even the apartment he owned.

Yet luck was not on his side. It never was.

~

It was a warm spring afternoon. The birds were chirping, the sun was shining brightly, and the people of Hangzhou were going about their day. On this afternoon, Minseok was cleaning out the spare bedroom in his now empty apartment. Beads of sweat rolled down his face as he moved box upon box out of the room. He started to feel strain upon his muscles yet he didn't care. Everything had to be gone. Gone. Gone. Gone. Everything about _him_ had to be gone.

It's been approximately 3 weeks since he left. The person who made him smile. The person who made him laugh. The person who made sure he took care of his body. The person who made him happy. The person who easily became the light of his life. The person who comforted him when he went through a horrible breakup. The person he confided his feelings to. The person he shared 15 years of his life with. The person who cuddled with him on stormy, rainy days. The person that helped him with his girl troubles. The person who helped him bear the pain of losing his parents. The person who was just there. His best friend.

Lu han, better known as Luhan, was a 26-year-old whom Minseok met when he was 11. They met on the field, playing football (soccer) to their heart's content. There, they just clicked. It was as if fate was destined to have them together, platonically of course. Sure, they had their faults and differing ideas on some issues; yet Minseok wouldn't have changed that for the world. Their friendship was strong to the point onlookers presumed they were more than just friends. However, Minseok would never cross that line. He was a straight male after all.

Although this past month, Minseok didn't understand anything. He couldn't think. He couldn't feel. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't smile. He couldn't act like a human being. All he knew was that it hurt. A lot. It hurt more than when his girlfriend dumped him 4 weeks ago, permanently this time. Or when his parents passed away due to a freak car accident. It felt like a whole new level of hurt and anguish.

Everything started to go downhill a long time ago yet this was the cherry on the damn sundae.

As Minseok shoved the last box in the cluttered hallway, a letter fell out of the box he was previously holding. He planned to return all of his belongings to his parents, and presumed the letter was meant for them. However, when Minseok picked up the letter to return it into the box, neat characters spelling out his name stopped him. He knew that handwriting belong to him. Who else would it be? Wu Yifan from next door?

 _What?_ Minseok thought as stared at the letter for at least 2 minutes. _It's been 3 weeks and I just notice this now?_ With hesitation, Minseok carefully ripped open the letter that was clearly addressed to him (He doubt that there was any other 'Minseok's in the area considering he lived in China for the time being; not Korea). There, it read in familiar scrawl:

_Minnie,_

_We were never meant to be._

_I understood that a long time ago._

_I'm gay. You're straight._

_I'm head over heels for you. You're head over heels for her. (Big surprise)_

_I'm always by your side. You're never there for me._

_I'm your "best friend". You're my everything._

_I hate how you're always hurt by her. How she breaks you down everyday. (Don't think I didn't notice)._

_I hate how you're still with her when she clearly hurts you._

_I hate how I see bruises on your perfect face when you come back from her house._

_I hate how you never notice._

_I hate how you brush it off._

_I hate how you defend her actions._

_I especially hate how you make me feel._

_I hate your adorable nose._

_I hate your puffy cheeks._

_I hate your round features that bring out your inner and outer beauty._

_I hate how I don't hate you._

_In fact, I love you. For the last 10 years._

_You ruined my personality._

_You ruined my love life._

_You ruined my opportunities for a happy ending._

_You ruined my thinking._

_You ruined my feelings._

_You ruined me._

_Yet, I don't care._

_I don't care what you've done to me._

_I don't care the emotional turmoil I felt with you by my side._

_However, I do care how you feel._

_I care about your health._

_I care about your feelings._

_Although I'll be gone, I'll never forget your smile._

_I'll never forget the way you used to see me, with admiration._

_I'll never forget the way you get excited for little things._

_I'll never forget your mono-lid eyes._

_I'll never forget your lovely cheeks._

_I'll never forget the way you cuddled into me when you had a nightmare._

_I'll never forget you._

_Despite my feelings._

_Despite my desires._

_Despite my needs._

_Despite my wants._

_Despite our relationship._

_Despite the last 15 years._

_Despite my life for the last 26 years._

_I think it's time to say goodbye._

_-Luhan <3~ _

~

For what felt like hours, Minseok just stared at the letter. Drops of tears stained the paper, smudging the graphite writing. No words escaped his mouth. Minseok just sat there; with his hands clutching the unfortunate piece of paper and staring at it intently. The only noises filling the room were the ticking clocks and the chirping birds from the outside. _They shouldn't be so happy_ , Minseok bitterly thought.

A puddle of thoughts swarmed furiously around Minseok's mind. He couldn't comprehend what was going on, there was too much to process. One; his best friend LOVED him for the past TEN years. Two; there was no apparent reason as to why he left. Three; he had the nerve to write a heart at the end of it all. Minseok was so tempted to rip the paper the half. To burn the damned piece of paper. To just damage it. Yet deep in his heart, he couldn't. It was the last memory Minseok had of Luhan. Getting rid of it was equivalent to burning a kitten to death and watching it die as it cried in agony. That was when he realized that Luhan mattered to him more than a friend should. A friend leaving shouldn't shatter his entire world. A friend leaving shouldn't make Minseok want to ask the cruel world to just end. A friend leaving shouldn't result in him breaking.

All of those nights cuddling together. All of those days laughing with each other. All of those days teasing each other. All of those nights under the stars, dreaming of the future, would never happen again. Just because he didn't realize his feelings sooner. Just because he didn't realized how much Luhan meant to him. Just because he realized how much _she_ didn't matter.

Minseok felt dumb. Stupid. Ignorant. Oblivious. Confused. Agitated.

Finally, he just whispered, "I'm sorry..."

Suddenly, the front door opened, revealing a familiar, blurry figure.

"Hey..."

Luck was never on Minseok's side. Until now.

**Author's Note:**

> THE END :D
> 
> HEHEHEHE ;D
> 
> There will be no part two. Sorry.


End file.
